|An Extremely Slow Satisfied Cow
||[May. 3rd, 2011|12:51 am]
(on normal days, one would usually call this a disclaimer: this feels weird. almost a year without writing anything of utmost nonsense. but this night calls for a different beat, a yearning for an old voice lost through the grills of what they like to call maturity. |
its rather odd.
so i guess im gonna start off with yet another story, crafted straight from the guts of a dying cockroach, green guts oozing out as i stand yet again the victor, conqueror of a vast horde of vermin with nothing but yesterdays news put to good use.)***
An extremely straightforward meeting with a woman of good quality
we were sitting at a table in a fastfood place that had four rows of five undimmed florescent lights rendering all that was ugly in that place uglier. the kids, with smut oozing down the curve of their whining lips as they tug their mother for whoever knows what, ice cream, spaghetti, kiddie meal perhaps? i dont really know. all i know is i hate kids. but id rather not bring that up at the moment, for the moment is precious. im with someone who was once special. though i used to whine endlessly to her about all things that made me sick and hateful, todays an exception. today would be the end of a four-year drought of not seeing this woman. this woman, THIS woman, is an exception.
but i would rather just tell you how it went. i dont wanna go into details, what she said, how she flinched as i showed her my scar from my recent failed trip to the zoo. which was all just a lie, of course, i mean i wouldnt go to the zoo for my life. thatd be stupid. i was just being funny. the truth was later revealed though, which is a must specially if youre trying to be funny. i mean, you know; the whole funny formula of story telling. i mean, you gotta have some humor, right? break the ice, shit like that. i couldnt imagine starting off any other way but with some stupid joke cause i think im funny that way. so anyway. it was bugging the hell out of me why we had to meet in such a place. its funny. let me tell you how it happened.
so i was working late researching for this paper that i was working on. it was supposed to be really interesting and stuff, so i spent a whole day fucking researching facts that was supposed to make it interesting to people who barely even read. so yea, my job sucked. but i needed it. i got tired staring at the computer so i went out for a breather, which then brought me to the nearest 24-hour convenient store. as i paying my loot, i saw an old friend. shes not the woman im talking about. but she did say something about the woman im talking about. so we talked. faked it. i mean, i really would rather hide than see that friend's face, but come on, im tired. what would a little boring conversation do? she mentioned Her, The Woman Im Talkin Bout in passing and i kind of did a funny double take there, i mean it was obvious i was just humming and nodding to her yapping til she mentioned the magic words. at least, to my ears. four fucking years id wondered how shed been, and this friend holds the ticket to the answer! fast forward. i hate to tell stories like that cause they always tend to end up prolonged and spiked with a lot of side stories like i always do.
so the fastfood place. i was really trying to be nice. the usual pleasantries, howvyoubeens, whatchadoinnow. i was really wondering, why cant i just be honest with this woman? for once and for all? what was i afraid of? do we even have something mutual? but i just couldnt let myself loose. i was stuck. she was choking me and i couldnt do a thing about it. alls a blur.
i was scratching the back of my leg discreetly when i told her. i said "you know what? i hate this. i hate how we had to have this conversation. its pleasant and all, but its just my nature. i dont know. im sorry.". just like that. that was all i had to say. four fucking years.